Bridging the Gap between Nigerian and American Wedding Traditions by Narketta Sparkman

I had the pleasure of assisting my clients plan the wedding of their dreams, which took place September 2, 2006 in Michigan. The bride is Nigerian American because she was born in raised in this country. Her parents are both native Nigerians immigrants. Planning this wedding was a task. My clients were very much in love and very laid-back people. They wanted to incorporate Nigerian traditions but did not want it to consume their wedding.

Nigerians believe the wedding is for the bride’s mother. She is ultimately the one to be praised for raising the daughter being married, which clashed with American tradition. My clients were paying for the wedding and felt it should be what they wanted. There was some compromise on my client’s behalf but ultimately it was the wedding they wanted.

The first compromise was having a Catholic wedding. The bride was raised Catholic but not a practicing Catholic and the groom was not Catholic at all. The parents of the bride wanted the wedding to take place in their church and wanted a traditional Catholic ceremony. However, the bride and groom were not comfortable with agreeing to raise their children as Catholics. They agreed to do this to please the bride’s parents but decided not to have a Mass as a part of their ceremony.

From the beginning, there was a conflict as to how many guest would be invited. My clients wanted to have no more than 250 guests, with the bride’s parents inviting 150 and the couple splitting the other 100 guests between themselves and the groom’s family. In the Nigerian culture, when someone has an event you go to that event regardless of invitation. The whole community supports your event. Two hundred and fifty invitations were sent with 200 of them going to Nigerian friends of the bride’s parents. There were 300 who confirmed their attendance and 350 guests actually attended the wedding. Many of the guests that attended were invited by word of mouth. Approximately 300 of the guests were Nigerian. The bride and groom wanted to ensure that all their guests, both Nigerian and American, felt comfortable during their celebration.

Since it is tradition that the wedding is for the bride’s mother, there were rituals that needed to take place. The Nigerian women dressed in Ashibi attire were to march down the aisle together as a part of this tradition. However, my clients wanted to stick to American tradition and felt the wedding party should be the only ones walking down the aisle. Ultimately the bride had her way.

After the ceremony, the women in Ashibi attire and the mother of the groom staged several photos outside of the church. They were congratulating the mother and the photographers were bombarded by the Nigerian woman wanting a picture with her. We had to ask the photographers to stop taking these photos to capture the bride.

In order to insure that all the guests were comfortable at the reception, we had two separate disc jockeys; one Nigerian and one American. We sat down with the disc jockeys twice to plan every musical detail of the wedding. The bride wanted there to be a good mix of music throughout the reception. The bride and groom danced to American music for their first dance and then for the father/daughter dance they danced to a more upbeat tempo Nigerian song. As the father and the bride danced, Nigerians threw money at their feet to wish them well.

Before dinner, the father of the bride began the Kolanuts Communion. This is a Nigerian tradition that bridged the families and guests together. Kolanuts is a way of getting acquainted with your guests. The father of the bride, standing with other male elders, gave a sermon on the dance floor. After each one of his statements, the elders stated “Onye wetere oji wetere ndu” (He who brings Kolanut brings life). He asked that the groom’s father join the presentation. They split the Kolanut on the dance floor and enjoyed it together. All of the guests were then given Kolanuts. Kolanuts is a bitter fruit from Nigeria. It smells like nicotine and tastes like cigars.

The presentation was done in the traditional language of Nigeria except for when speaking to the father of the groom. This really invited the groom’s family into the bride’s family and signified them merging into one family. There were four parts to the communion:

Iche` Oji (Presentation of Kolanut)
Igo` Oji (Blessing of Kolanut)
Iwa` Oji (Breaking of Kolanut)
Ike` Oji (Distribution of Kolanut)

The bride and groom decided against the traditional bouquet or garter toss. They just thought the tradition was dated. The bride was a member of a sorority and they decided to do the traditional sweetheart song and dance in which they are singing to the groom.

The bride and groom changed out of the traditional tuxedo and wedding dress and into Nigerian wedding attire. The women in Ashibi attire escorted them into the room. These women did a chant and danced with the bride and groom at the end of the line. There were approximately 75 women in costume. Once in the room, the groom had a seat while the bride and her mother danced in the middle of the dance floor as the women chanted and gathered around them. The bride’s mother draped the bride and groom with a sash made of money. The guests began to throw money at them all over the dance floor. This is for financial stability and to congratulate the couple.

Ultimately the couple succeeded in having a wedding that incorporated many Nigerian traditions. The décor was all Americanized with the colors the bride and groom wanted. Each guest received a favor of a coaster made in Nigeria with the bride and grooms name on it. They also received a more Americanized favor of personalized chocolates from the bride and groom. The parents of the bride were very satisfied with the wedding as well as the couple. Everyone seemed to have their way and not much was compromised as far as tradition and the desires of the couple.

Narketta Sparkman is President of the Metro Detroit Chapter of the International Special Events Society, a Certified Instructor for The Wedding Planning Institute’s How to Become a Wedding Planner certification course, author of Dream Big, Plan Smart: A Guide to Planning Your Dream Wedding, owner of the event planning company Special Occasions by Narketta, and is currently working on her doctorate.